Show me the meaning of being lonely
by Larxel
Summary: Even though it always felt like there was something missing I never could really miss it since I didn’t know what it was. I had a perfect life. What could I possibly need more? ZEMYX, and maybe other pairings, het and slash!
1. Chapter 1

Even though it always felt like there was something missing I never could really miss it since I didn't know what it was.

It was some unexplained empty hole in my chest – something that all the time was there and still was there not. Every time I just lied down in my bed at nights. Well, those odd nights when I wasn't at some party with my friends and group of random people. So I tried to be awake as much as I could. Of course no one can go like that for long, but I slept at school so it worked fine; not for teachers and my parents, but for me. It was always that darkness and quietness of nights that bought that deep, empty hole back to me. I didn't care that teachers were mad at me and that I was send to the headmaster's office – it was good for my image anyways. That was my way to forget that there was something missing. My friends would've thought that I was mad if I had told them about my sleepless nights. I knew that nobody could see what was missing in my life; since I couldn't see it myself, how could any other? Nobody knew me like me.

I had perfect life. I really had. I had lots of friends, and lots of people who wanted me to be their friend. That's how I got invited for some party nearly every day – always there was some friend's cousin's friend or someone who was celebrating something. And if there wasn't, we did it just for fun. Besides of this big bunch of party mates, I had group of really close friends. Axel – I've known him since kindergarten, he's funny redhead – Roxas, who was added to our gang at the beginning of Junior High, Marluxia, he's a real player, though we all are very popular, but he's the biggest cocksman. And then there's Riku, who plays drums in our High School's favorite band, the Heartless Night. He's not really part of our little gang, but he and I are good friends even though we don't hang out together so much. I was, of course, the singer and guitarist of the band. I don't want to boast, but it's a fact that I have great singing voice. Because of our band's popularity and my good looks, many girls had a crush on me – just like on Axel, Roxas, Marluxia and Riku too. I wasn't really interested about serious relationships, but it was nice to have always someone to make out with at parties and bars. I rarely had sex with any of those girls, even though they often wanted; it seemed a bit too unfair for me. I wasn't a heartbreaker like Marluxia, who apparently wanted to shag as many chicks as he could.

Well, so I had many mates, close friends, my beloved band and all those girls around me – and _moreover _I had wealthy parents, so I always had finest things money can buy. So what there could possibly be missing in my life? That's right; nothing. There was absolutely nothing missing. It was perfect. That's why it pissed me off so badly to spend sleepless nights thinking about something that wasn't there, when I had everything. I had everything.

Nothing was missing.

That's what I told myself. And finally I believed it. 'Cause it was a truth.

X

X

"Demyx, get out of there, we're gonna be late!"

"Who cares?" I shouted back.

"Teachers, maybe? You're a real troublemaker, Dem, you know? Truly a pain in my ass. You should get up earlier, if you have so much to do at the mornings"

I ignored the voice behind my bathroom's door and continued to fix my hair with a bottle of hairspray in my hand. Hair was a holy thing, and I couldn't just leave my house with it half-done. Marluxia should know it better than anyone.

"I don't feel like getting up earlier" I answered, "I'm tired for being up nearly all night"

One weird thing about Marluxia was that he was always lively. I don't he ever slept more that four hours in night, but he didn't even have those dark bags under his eyes. Well, of course there was many weird things about him; including his hair.

"You shouldn't really come inside to my house just like that" I muttered when I opened the door and stepped in front of my impatient friend, "You act like this is your castle or something"

"Why not? There's no one home here, except you" Marluxia sighed, "Just come already, we're late again. I don't even know why I bother to pick you up every morning"

"No, really, I'm serious" I continued while locking the front door behind me, "You can't be like you have a red carpet waiting every time you enter to my home. This is not the house of one of your ex-girlfriends, you know"

"Girlfriends" Marluxia repeated, shivering, "Don't make me sound like engaging person, please"

"Right" I said, rolling my eyes, "So, what happened to you last night? You finally got home alive, I suppose?"

"Around 5 o'clock, yes" Marluxia smirked proudly.

"Sure. I remember only that alcohol had something to do with everything" I said, wondering, "It was something that Xigbar had stolen from his uncle, something really fancy…"

"Whisky" Marluxia smacked his mouth, "Awesomely good. It's not everyday to have stuff like that. But I'm afraid that I might have been too much for your little head"

"As Xiggy would say: 'As if'. Me and Axel, we borrowed his big brother's car. You know Reno, he's already 18" I spoke while we approached our school.

"Sure. And I guess that he didn't know you took it?"

"Nope, he was gone for a weekend" I laughed, "So we drove around a little bit, checking if there was something interesting going on in town. Roxas had this great idea of trying to get in Sweet Chili-club, but I'm sure he wants to tell about it himself. What about you?"

"Well, you know" Marluxia winked, "I met this hot chick with long black hair and heavenly legs – I knew right away when I saw her that she was the love of my night. Tifa is her name, but she…"

"Marluxia!" I screamed out, "You didn't try something with Tifa Lockheart, didn't you? Do you wanna be dead, you know she's got something to go on with Cloud, and if you piss him off…"

"I know, I'm not stupid" Marluxia looked indignant, "I really wanted her, but I don't want to risk my life for some one-night stand. So I fucked some random black haired girl instead, using my imagination. She was good, but oh, so boring…"

"You'll get AIDS, you know" I told him. Marluxia raised his eyebrows.

"You worry about me, Dem? How sweet. You can't worry about things like that, if you don't want to end up being a one woman's man like Axel and Roxas…"

"What do you mean?" I asked, "Roxas got a thing going on at least with two girls at the same time-"

"One, two, it's all the same" Marluxia said pejoratively, "Hell, I handle three girls in one night easily"

"I'm bloody sure you would" I snorted, "You should have some girl-calendar and egg timer, it would make your job easier"

"Ah, screw you" Marluxia said as school's front doors opened in front of us.

"Many would gladly, believe me. Where are Axel and Roxas?"

We found them at the cafeteria; Axel drank coffee with his red hair perfectly shaped like always. Roxas sat on the table, hanging his head down, and he was dressed in big baggy black jeans and striped hoodie. This was one of his emo-days again; he hadn't really any problems to be emo for, but I think it attracted girls. They were talking with Luxord, one of our standard drinking buddies.

"What's going on here?" I asked when we arrived.

"Hey guys" Axel greeted. Roxas just mumbled something, "Reno was pretty mad at me, for that little dent we did for his ride"

"Poor you" I smirked and grabbed his coffee cup.

"No, poor you" Axel corrected, "He believed when I told that it was your idea and you did it"

"Typical" I muttered, and Axel turned to Marluxia.

"So, you shagged?" he asked

"Like always" Marluxia smirked. He was always so proud for his adventures.

"Are you ready to do it again?" Luxord asked, winking.

"With you?" Marluxia laughed, "Sorry, I'm not into guys at all. You should ask Roxas"

"Hey!" Roxas shouted, forgetting his emo-pose, "Fuck you!"

"I already told you, I'm not into guys" Marluxia smiled sweetly, "You're in denial, poor thing"

"Luxord meant that he's having a party this Saturday. A big one" Axel interrupted.

"My folks are gone for some stupid work trip" Luxord said, "I want everyone there, so you come, right? Much drinking and chicks"

"Then I'll be there" Marluxia reported.

Luxord sighed, "Yes, Marly, I'll make sure that my parents' bedroom is free for you all evening"

"So, where are you gonna get these girls?" Roxas asked, making sure that Marluxia could hear him.

"Well, Larxene is getting all her friends and their friends…"

"So Larxene will be there too" I smirked, "That means that you, Axel, must go"

Axel showed me his middle finger and then changed the subject, "Did you know that there's going to be a new student today?"

X  
X  
X

X

Okay, this is a little experiment chapter. I'll see if I have inspiration to continue soon. So I don't own characters and blaah-blaah-blaah. My second Zemyx-story, trying something different. Tell me what you like.


	2. Chapter 2

Axel and I had an English Class together first and for a change we arrived in time. This was because being pissed off about not getting into Sweet Chili-club Roxas had taken all of Axel's cigarettes and thrown them into river, so he couldn't have his traditional before-class-smoke. Axel didn't really even like smoking, and he always coughed and spitted awfully lot after it, but reputedly it was good for an image. I didn't do that or any drugs, because I wanted to keep my lungs in good shape. I was a singer, anyway. Singing was the only way I could really escape everything. Marluxia smoked, especially before and after sex (I had seen this when I had had to share a room with him and one of his girls in a very gloomy home-party) and once he had tried marihuana.

"It was awesome", he had praised, "I didn't feel a thing after it!"

"Isn't that kinda the point of having sex? To feel something? What's the point if you don't?" I had asked, but Marluxia hadn't responded and had quickly changed the subject.

Roxas didn't smoke, and he even drank quite reasonably. We always said that he didn't need any drugs to go crazy. In a party one moment he could dance on the table in the middle of everybody and in a minute he could be crying in the corner telling everyone who talked to him to jerk off.

Roxas was a good boy of the gang. Axel was a bad guy who everyone wanted, and Marluxia was the one everyone wanted and got. I was just… I don't know what I was. I was just there. And sometimes I felt like I wasn't even that.

"Hi, Naminé", I smiled to the girl who sat in front of me while walking to my chair.

Blond, shy girl raised her head from her drawing and blushed slightly, "Hi"

"Why are you talking to her?" Axel whispered, sitting next to me, "She won't give you any. Everyone can see that she's still a virgin"

"So?" I rolled my eyes, annoyed, "Can't I be friendly to a girl even if I didn't want to get shagged?"

Axel leaned his head, looking a bit surprised, "Sorry. Didn't know you hadn't anything in your mind. Just thought to tell you that if you're in the need, there are plenty of easier ones around"

"You're talking to me, not Roxas, okay", I forced myself to smirk, even though I felt anything but smiling.

"Oh yes", Axel said, taking a pen from his pocket since he hadn't bothered to take his schoolbag, "I don't know why he wastes his time trying to impress such a forever-virgin"

"Maybe he likes her", I suggested in a bored voice.

"Yeah right", Axel snorted, drawing on his desk, "Sure he does, but I couldn't just wait for one girl to give me some for very long"

"How long have you waited for Larxene?" I smiled for real this time.

"Shut up"

I laughed; we all knew Axel had been chasing Luxord's twin sister since Junior High's first year. Even now he was scrawling an 'L' on the corner of his table. She was not very easy to impress though, and Axel still had difficulty to admit that not all of the girls fell for him instantly when they saw him. Sure many of them did and Axel had had several affairs during the years. But they all had ended in a one way or another, and Axel always seemed to be more disappointed about Larxene not being jealous that losing any of those chicks.

I would never forget that one party (I think it was arranged by some Reno's friend's friend or something) where I had just been throwing up in the bathroom. I hadn't really been that drunk, but I had just felt like throwing up. Anyway, I had just been returning to the living room, when the girl whose name I don't even remember had stormed out of the bedroom.

"Axel just said someone else's name while we were having sex!" she had screamed, shaking me from the shoulders.

"Probably Larxene's", I had said, not really caring, still tasting the vomit in my mouth, "She's the one he really wants. What am I supposed to do about it?"

"Fuck you!" the girl had cried out and then run towards Marluxia, knowing to get some 'oblivion' from him.

I secretly looked up for Naminé and all others who had not thrown their virginity away. I really thought it was a special feature worth of having until you were sure about your feelings. None of us was virgin anymore, which could hardly be called a surprise. Axel and I had both lost out virginities a couple of years ago in the same party – but not for the same girl. Xion had been a terribly lot younger than me, only 13, and she had been in her 'rebel teenager' period and had wanted to do something to upset her parents. I had been a bit drunk and my empty feeling had tortured me and I had agreed to try out if it would've taken it away. It hadn't. Axel had screwed some girl who at that time had been Reno's girlfriend. Reno of course had blown his top and beaten his little brother to the ground, but Axel had explained that he had been 'fucking drunk' and depressed about their parent getting a divorce. Naturally, Xion did upset her parents and the family moved away next week, and Reno and Axel decided that blood is thicker than water and made up and Reno dumped his girlfriend. We haven't heard anything from either of them after that.

Marluxia, of course, doesn't even remember who he lost his virginity for, but he keeps saying that there were two of them at the same time. Roxas has really had sex only twice with the same girl, Olette, who was a girlfriend of his best friend Hayner. Roxas and Olette's secret affair came out and Roxas lost his best mate. When Hayner passes by Roxas in school he's not even looking at him.

"Demmie?" Axel called.

"W- What?" I snapped awake from my thoughts, remembering that I was still in the classroom. I turned to face the red-head next to me, "What's the matter?"

"That's my line", Axel said, "You seemed to dream away. Who were you think of?"

"_I _don't have anyone to dream of", I reported proudly. Sometimes, when there was no one at home, I secretly took my sitar, crawled to my bed and quietly plucking wondered what would it be like to have someone to love. But I never really got to know what love was. Was Axel in love with Larxene? He never even admitted that he liked her. Has Roxas been in love with Olette? Why else would've he betrayed his best friend? I couldn't think anything in the world that would matter to me more that my friends. Maybe love was it. But would it make me turn down my friends? Could something that made people do such horrible things really be that good? I felt much safer when I didn't know what love was and how it felt.

"Whatever. The old man is here", Axel said, pointing at the teacher's table.

"Thank you Axel, you may lay your finger down now", Mr. Vexen said tiredly while placing his books and his desk.

"Oh, _sure",_ Axel said, straightening his little finger visibly. Almost the whole class laughed. Students made a lot of fun about Mr. Vexen, because there were rumors about him being gay.

"Asexual is more like it to the old, wrinkly guy like him", Axel had laughed when we had first heard about it, but after that I never could've looked at Mr. Vexen without wondering if it was true. If it wasn't I didn't know who had invented it and why. Maybe it was because of his long, blond hair. I don't know; he was just never taken seriously.

"There is a new student coming here", Vexen continued after waiting patiently for laughter to stop, "And I hope you'll all welcome him warmly"

He said it in the voice that clearly told that he didn't believe one moment that we would. Axel next to me tapped his pencil, his hungry eyes directed at the door, ready to give his judgment out and loud.

Mr. Vexen opened the door. I saw a silver hair, but when he stepped in the room, the lights made it radiate in the shapes of blue and violet.

**Axel's POV: **

Jesus, a true emo freak.

That was all I could think of. Honestly. Marluxia had been disappointed about this new student not being a woman. But really, this was as close as he could get.

He was skinny as hell, skinnier than me or Demyx, and much shorter. And he didn't even have muscles to mention! He was just standing there, not saying a word, in his over-tight black jeans and a faded black t-shirt that had a text My Chemical Romance on it. My God, he listens to _them. _Well, I can very well imagine him sitting in front of the television, staring at the screen, sighing "Oh Gerard, oh Frank", sucking his own balls. No really, I'm not kidding. And his arms, they were so bonny I wanted to vomit. He must have anorexia or some other sickness. He would belong in the institution more like it. He must do drugs; his eyes were so dark all over – until he had a make up. Really, I can't believe it. He wears a make up! I wasn't so sure anymore about whether this was the said new student, or if Mr. "Goldilocks" Vexen had just brought his own boy-whore in the class.

"Everyone, this is Zexion", Goldilocks said. Or at least that's how I call him in bed, he probably thought. "Zexion, there's a free place next to Naminé"

Oh great, and in front of us to sit! Nice one!

"Couldn't have a better place, huh?" I whispered to Demyx in a sarcastic voice.

"Whatever", Demyx mumbled. Really, that kid has a bad habit of dreaming away. I should get him something to make him relax later this evening at Luxord's… and Larxene's if that is…

**Demyx's POV:**

I had never seen anyone like him. Zexion. What a weird name. What a weird boy. I watched him when he mover closer to the free chair and sat down. He looked so weak, so… vulnerable.

It was almost like if I tried to touch him, he would disappear. Like… illusion.

I didn't try it out, of course. But my hands were like burning the whole lesson.

X

"I'm so drunk!" Marluxia shouted while jumping on the Luxord's couch. The whole room was filled with people, whom I didn't mostly even know. But everyone there was certain that if he really had been drunk, he would've had fallen to the floor while trying to frolic like that.

"Give them a break, Marly", Axel laughed, "You haven't even started yet"

"You're damn right!" Marluxia continued, his pink churls swinging, "I'm ready to rock and I have a big cock earning for some action!"

I shook my head and followed Roxas to the table that was full of snacks and drinks.

"I don't want to get so fucked drunk I can't even feel my legs tomorrow morning", Roxas muttered when we opened our first bottles, "Not in the middle of the week"

"I understand", I said.

"Let's have some drinks, we can lick some girls if we want to, and then let's leave in time"

I was more than happy to agree, since I had felt really strange all day. For the first time in my life there was too much in my head, without me being able to tell what it was.

Axel, on the other hand, was not in that mood, "What? Are you really that boring! C'mon guys don't be such a knitting-club!"

He already had a half of the bottle's content in his mouth, but he practically spurted them on me and Roxas when a cold voice said:

"And why is it always a _woman's_ hobby when you're talking about boring people? I don't exactly enjoy about my house being full of brain-dead idiots either"

"L- Larxene", Axel stammered, but it was too late; the blond had already marched away, "I- I- Would you like to dance?" he shouted after her.

"With you?" Larxene said without looking back, "To be honest I'd rather dance with the amoeba with my hands full of shit"

Roxas laughed and emptied his bottle. He was clearly on the better mood suddenly. Axel turned back to us, his face like a stormy weather.

"Fine, we can leave in time"

"No hurry", Roxas smirked.

"Geez, go and take a nap on the railway, I've heard it can be very relaxing"

"Let's be here a couple of hours, just to hang around", I said, "And then leave. Reno can pick us up when he's coming from the night shift don't you think?"

"What about Marluxia?" Roxas asked, "Will we wait 'till he gets his lay for the evening?"

I watched him on the other side of the room. He was sitting astride on the sofa's back rest, probably imitating to some girl what he would like to do to her.

**Marluxia's POV:**

Drunk, drunk, drunk…

I wanted more alcohol. I needed to get drunk as quickly as possible. I needed… I wanted… sex… with…

Drunk. Drunk.

… Drunk.

**Demyx's POV:**

"Have you seen that new student that arrived today?" Axel said after couple of bottles, when he was starting to feel better.

"You mean that black little creature?" Luxord laughed.

"That's her… I mean him", Axel chortled, "There's a queer for you, got it memorized? I bet he shaves his legs and all"

"Don't bet", Roxas said, "You know Luxord always wins"

"But if I bet that he's gay, how COULD I lose?" Axel almost shouted.

"Then he's transsexual", Luxord suggested, and they both laughed. Roxas just took a sup from his bottle. I wanted to say something, but nothing came into mind.

"Is that your bet?" Axel challenged, "Done! Then I wanna solve it!"

"Axel, you're drunk", I said, because that was really all that I could.

"Not that much", Axel argued, "We made a bet, Luxy, I wanna solve it!"

"You're crazy, man", Roxas said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm not nearly as much drunk as Marluxia!" Axel shouted.

"No one is"

"What do you think, Dem?" Axel asked, turning to me, "He was queer, wasn't he?"

"I really can't tell by just looking", I muttered.

"Aw, c'mon Demmy, support me!" Axel begged, "We've always been together, you can't just leave me now!"

"And who was the gay here, again?" Luxord asked smirking.

"You are!" Axel roared, turning back to him, "And that little prostitute-boy is! I'm telling you! We gotta solve this!"

"Well ask him", Roxas said, shrugging.

"Are you out of your tiny mind? I'm not talking to that emo-boy-girl thing!"

"Then you're stuck with this problem for good", Roxas smiled and took another sup.

"Asking him would be the simplest thing, you know?" Luxord said suddenly.

"How come?" I asked.

"He's closer than you think"

"What? Is he hear?!" I didn't mean to say it so loud, but I couldn't help myself. Not surprisingly, this caused Axel and Luxord's curiosity.

"Why are you so excited?" Luxord asked laughing, "You have hots for him?"

"Of course not!" I shouted, feeling the heat on my cheeks.

"Looks like we soon have many gay babies around", Axel guffawed, leaning to the table to not to fall down, "Dem-Dem and this what was his name…"

"Zexion", I said.

"Ohhhh, you remember his NAME, Demy?" Axel shouted, and I prayed that the music was loud enough to stop anyone from hearing, "Well, is this something new or what!"

"I'm telling you, I have no interests to that guy!"

"Then why are you so curious about him?" Luxord asked.

"I- I just", I just don't know? Yeah, would they believe it, even if it was the truth. "I just want also solve your bet", I made up quickly.

"Really?" Luxord raised his blond eyebrows, "Then I suppose you can go ask him? He lives next door"

"Oh yeah, maybe I will!" I said challengingly.

"Good boy!" Axel slammed my shoulder, "You scuttle there, ask him if he's queer or not and come right back here, right?"

"Yeah!" I said.

And before their expecting eyes I had no choice but to turn around and aim my steps to the front-door.

Oh dear God, what I was going to do?

**Luxord's POV:**

I really couldn't believe that Demyx was going to do it. But he truly put his shoes on and opened the door and exited.

Right now I couldn't be happier… except that I have a feeling that my sister will kill me tomorrow.

**Larxene's POV:**

I'll cut his balls off.

Then I'll make him eat them.

Then I'll hang him up in the roof. With a rope.

Then I'll use him as a dartboard.

Oh fuck, some idiot just threw a toilet brush on me!

"Kill yourself and save me from the trouble!"

Okay. Calm down. Ignore them. Ignore them all and that fucking loud music too. You can handle this. You so can handle this.

I just keep thinking this way, and I'll make it till the morning.

Then I'll rip his toes off one at the time…

**Marluxia's POV:**

………………

Drunk.

…………

**Demyx's POV:**

I couldn't do this. I really couldn't do this.

What would I say? 'Oh hello, sorry to bother you, but my friends were wondering if you're gay or not'.

He would think I'm such a jerk. And I AM, or else I wouldn't be standing there, in front of his door.

Axel and Luxord would ask, what it mattered if he thought I was a jerk. And the problem was exactly that: I didn't know! I didn't know why I was thinking about him so much. I don't know why I cared. He just seemed so… unlike anything I had ever experienced.

But I couldn't do this. I couldn't press the door bell. I was just about to turn around, make up some story to tell them, just forget the whole thing. Maybe I should get drunk after all. Would have something else to think about.

But I had stood there for too long. Before I could do or say or even think of anything, I heard steps from inside, and the door was opened.


End file.
